WARMAHORDES: To Tier or Not To Tier...

I initially promised myself I'd stay away from becoming a Warmachine/Hordes (henceforth:Warmahordes) content provider, but.. well, I can't help myself.   I had some questions at a tournament last weekend about Tier lists and whether or not they were competitive/broken/OMGBBQBorken.   The answer is no, yes, and YES... which probably needs some explanation.

First thing's first: Some bona fides.  I'm part of a group who consistently places in the top 3 of local team tournaments (sharing the honor with the NJ SOBs and PA's "Pants-off-Dance-off" squad).  I consistently place in the top 2 (along with my roommate/regular opponent Jarred Robaitille) in local tournaments.  I don't have a Templecon/GenCon/Warmachine Weekend win under my belt, but frankly, bar Templecon, I don't have the interest in outlaying $1000+ to travel to play Warmahordes.

Suffice to say, feel free to argue with anything I put forth, but a "STFU noob; L2P" response isn't going to hold much water.

Hey look, its the BoLS comment section...

(Side note: God, I hate internetz bona fide posturing, because it was feels like a limp attempt at I R BEST chest thumping.  The best way to communicate is on the table, which loses a lot here.  What I'm getting at is: if you're local and want to discuss this, please hit me up on the tabletop and not via the tubez).

Anyhow, back to the meat of the matter...

When Tier list were first dropped ~2 years ago via the Retribution book, I was reasonably dismissive from a competitive stand-point.  Sure, you could do some rude things with Rahn and Garyth, but they were 2D builds that suffered severely from bad match-ups.

As I got more table time with and against Tier lists (and as more were released), my opinion quickly changed.  Mostly because the game shifted from 35 to 50 pts as a standard size as more of Mk II was released and mostly because people were getting the hang of the new mechanics/the local metagame started settling in.

That said, not all Tier lists are over-the-top or, for that matter, especially good.  Some are pretty good and some are downright terrifying.  With 100+ warcasters/warlocks (and the advent of additional Tiers being released via No Quarter), its going to be tough to field test every single list and stress test them with authority.  So, how do you know where to look for signs of an extremely powerful tier list?  Let's take a look at some tier lists that are known to be quite powerful:

eButcher Tier list
eKreoss Tier list
Rahn Tier list
Terminus Tier list
pHoarluk Tier list

What's the unifying thread?  Well, the first three lists allow for FA:U of some powerful specialist troops who normally have a low FA.  All three of these lists also act as force-multipliers for these specialist troops (e.g. - eButcher grants his Doom Reavers extra movement via the feat, eKreoss ensures his melee troops will hit and grants them extra attacks, and Rahn's feat is the bee's knee's for Battle Mages).

The latest internet sensation: LOLRahns

The two of these three lists also help with movement, as does Terminus' list.  Any bonus that grants either Advanced Movement, additional inches of deployment, a SPD bonus on turn 1 (especially for melee troops) or Advanced Deployment for a portion of your army is going to be powerful.  While Terminus lacks the ability to spam a powerful troops type, he does grant his horde of pirates additional speed and Incorporeal the first turn, ensuring that they'll be delivered to the enemy lines while Big T moves in for the kill (or positions to win via scenario).

You're probably wondering about the last list (Hoarluk Tier 4).  This list (along with the eButcher list) grants a reduced cost of a specialist troop.  Moreover, said specialist troops (Runeshapers) are very, very difficult to put down and come with reasonably powerful attacks that synergize well with models included.  Having multiple, cheap units of Runeshapers knocking stuff down and putting up Force Lock against enemy heavies (and having Tough with Steady) can really put a damper on enemy forces.  Its not a list with a subtle kill condition (Mulg), but its efficient.

Ummm... again?

So where does that leave us?  It'd be easy to say "Look for spam", but I don't its as clear cut as that (look at pCaine or pFeora's Tier lists).  Look for combinations that let you:

- Take models that synergize well with the warcaster/warlock and have an expanded or unlimited FA.  A reduction in cost also helps.

- Look for positional or movement bonuses (e.g. - Ashlynn's Tier granting HER AD, the Advanced Move in the eKreoss list).

- Look for spam with a win condition.  Admittedly, a single unit of Doom Reavers is scary.  Seven units at 50 pts with eButcher is unmanageable for almost everyone (bar pHaley or extremely shooting heavy lists).  Spamming utility units without a multiplier that grants them a kill condition isn't going to cut it.

- Ensure you've got necessary support in the army.  If you're a relatively squishy melee assassin and you've feel you need Corbeau, don't mess with Tier lists (Garryth tends to suffer from this).

A special mention needs to made of Mercenary and Minion tiers.  Generally speaking, sometimes the Tier is what makes these models playable (Shae and Arkadius, I'm looking at you!).  Weigh your contract/compact bonuses against the Tier and go for whatever is stronger.  Almost without exception, I'd argue there are no over-the-top tier list in this category, though if you're playing one of these armies its something to consider.

In closing, here's a Tier 4 35 point eKreoss list I won a 10 man tournament with this weekend.  It caught a lot of people off guard and gives you an idea of just how powerful spamming a "weak" unit like Knights Exemplar can be:

eKreoss
- Fire of Salvation
Knights Exemplar
Knights Exemplar
Knights Exemplar
Knights Exemplar Errant (10)
Exemplar Vengers (3)
Errant Seneschal
Knights Exemplar Seneschal (free from Tier bonus)

Tier Bonuses - FA: U Knights Exemplar, Free Seneschal, Advanced Move for Knights Exemplar, +2" to my deployment.

As always, questions and comments are welcome.



LOLWUT? - "Zealous" 40K Commentary on BoK

This week we're skipping A Winner is You and graduating to its more intelligent cousin, LOLWUT?

Blood of Kittens posted this article today in reference to the DERF-fest over in this Bell of Lost Souls post. In brief, someone on BoLS thinks 40K players are trying to hoodwink their opponents by providing army lists sans detailed army rules.  As a counterpoint, Sandwyrm asserts if you're playing in a tournament, you should probably know armywide rules (e.g. - Shadow in the Warp for Tyranids, Descent of Angels for BA, etc) or ask your opponent if you have questions.

Then the BoLS comment section happens.  Basically this:

Ask Haight about Cygnar's Mk I to Mk II transition sometime.  This is what you get.

Here's where Blood of Kittens comes in.  His article touches on a wide breadth of subjects and is well written (I wonder if the Bad Religion picture is in reference to how much he used the thesaurus on this one), but... LOLWUT?

Here's his opener:

What though the BoLS article revealed was something I and others have tried to put our finger on. It wasn’t the WAAC player the author thinks exists to confuse new players. Instead it is a certain querulous segment of the 40k Internet population that has hoisted up the banner of all things “competitive” in a vociferous cry to change the tone about how we talk and play 40k. This change in tone is moving the cynosure of what we know about Warhammer 40k the hobby into Warhammer 40k the sport, based I might add on false gods. You can find innumerable debates about this issue in any dime store blog and forum across cyberspace. The Internet community tries to use it as a wedge, between those who consider just playing the game is enough and those that derive the most fun from having good sporting time. Enjoyment either way (in of itself) is valid, (with me more on the competitive side) but the move towards making 40k look more like a sport is fraught with problems that go beyond simple game mechanics.

The prose is a little dense, so here's what I'm getting out:

1. Internetz arguments frequently occur between "Win at all Costs" competitive types and "Fun with no Thought" fluff types.  Hyperbole occurs because, hey, its internetz.

2. Blogs like to talk about this (notably, both Blood of Kittens and myself.  Lulz.).

3. "WAAC" players are arguing 40K should be more sport-like.  I wasn't getting this from Sandwyrm (he was arguing that players who go to 40K tournaments should know some common rules before entering the tournament), but I've heard the sentiment before.

4. Blood of Kittens thinks Sportshammer is a seriose. problem.  Article ensues.

Or rather, we travel 2 paragraphs and get a second thesis.  Quoting again:

Like the American political version, our punditocracy thinks it is speaking about the true (without proven statistician analysis) motivations and concerns of the general playing public, but since the average player rarely comments our punditocracy is based on some 40k invisible hand maintained on ego fuel and the screams from the echo chamber.

So basically, bloggers are getting it wrong (much like political pundits), but people still listen.  Strange you changed topic mid-rant, but OK.. I agree.

But what, there's more lulz!

RIP Lulz, RIP...

Not only are WAAC players like pundits, they're also a type of religion (Ohhh.. so they're right-wing pundits. Gotcha!).  Two more paragraphs down, we suddenly get:

The punditocracy is also using an interesting dynamic I will call the Seal Pup Defense (religion without a hyperactive superiority complex to do “God’s Work” isn’t worth following) has recently emerged. Often we hear of the high-minded goal of making all players as good as the unproven morality dictates. It is kinda like gay people being sent to Jesus camps to become straight. The more likely truth is the punditocracy is at its best a first among equals– remember a seal pup with a club is still just a seal pup. As well the punditocracy re-educating methods are more likely just a ruse, because without the seal pups to cull they might actually be exposed for the feckless folks deep down the fear they are. So on the one hand the punditocracy protects itself from reproach while on the other hand it is able to effectively throw off any critique without worthwhile insight.

Ummm... OK?  So you think internetz 40K Tough Guys aren't really all that tough.  This is new?

We continue on this thread, but stumble back to sanity in the next paragraph:

Following the words of the punditocracy will lead you inexorably to the words competitive 40k player in one shape of form. It is no wonder that the punditocracy had to separate itself from the dreaded word WAAC it could have easily been associated with. So it created the competitive 40k player to shape its emerging religion– all religions must have a name for God’s chosen. That is what makes the words competitive 40k player so special, like a self-generated nickname the punditocracy gave itself an easily recognizable name to define itself. You never hear someone say they are a Fluffy Bunny or Hobbyist with such pride and consideration as the competitive 40k player. Instead the punditocracy divides and conquers on this axiom often drowning out voices that threaten. The punditocracy is for the most part left unchecked, with the refrain from others being, “it is only the Internet and no one listens to it anyway”. It does matter though because every time a new player walks into my local store having thrown hundreds of dollars into what the punditocracy told them was the only way to win my local community has to deal with it. I have to sit there and uneducated them not because I am against competitive players, but because the Internet gave them all the weapons to fight a war, but never trained them how to use them. Not to mention many new players realize too late they were never that player the punditocracy thought they should be.

Yes, internetz pundits are stupid.  I learned that the second I read battle college/PP's boards/an article on BoLS about Warmachine (sorry Gentle_Ben and relasine; you have great advice for new players but aren't offering us vets much).  Yes, its intellectually sexy to talk about being a winner/tactics because it scratches a nice competitive itch.  Yes, most people who do so, particularly in the 40K crowd, talk a big game with zero to back it up (oh hai, Yes the Truth Hurts!).

4Chan: A Truly Inconvenient Truth.

Honestly, who cares though?  Its fun to bust on people who get inflamed to the point of irrationality (both on the I R COMPETITIVE side and the U R NOT HOBBY BUDDY side), but I don't think either opinion is doing disservice to the game.  People are talking about wargaming, people are thinking about wargaming, and if they get bad advice, they start looking elsewhere for more august commentary (or, God forbid, think for themselves).

I was honestly gonna leave this head-scratcher of an article alone, as it has some interesting nuggets of truth mixed in with its potpourri of crazy. Then came this gem of a comment:

nyhilApril 26, 2011 /

I think there is a Graduate study in Sociology in this article somewhere…

Ummm... LOLWUT?

I R PAINTR - Updates soon!

Doing a quick before'n'after on some metal work using the alcohol based paints; unfortunately the camera's on the fritz so it'll have to wait till Thursday.

Yes, I'm sure all 2 of my reader's care.  In fact, I can see Andrew getting this post and going:

Monday Game Reviews - Dark Age, Expanded

I've had some requests for a follow-up to my review of Dark Age from a few weeks back.  I think I captured a lot of meta information (what type of game Dark Age is, how it relates to other games) but didn't really say much about what Dark Age is about.  So, without further adieu, here's "What Dark Age is about":

Setting

Dark Age is set on a back water world rich in natural resources.  Moreover, many cliche evil corporation like this planet because its secluded from prying eyes.  Military experiments, slavery, chemical weapons development... all sorts of fun stuff is happening on this otherwise unremarkable planet.

Then it all goes bad.

The galaxy experiences the equivalent of the 2008 stock market crash.  As a result, corporations quickly abandon this planet; doing a half-assed job of covering their tracks.  Since life is cheap, many workers are stuck in this back water as ships are filled to the brim with top brass, military secrets, etc etc.  Its in this lovely predicament that Dark Age takes place; in a literal "Dark Age" of a planet (named Samaria by the survivors).

Factions

The Forsaken - Human survivors who take refuge in the major metropolitan areas of Samaria.  Since the crash, survivors have literally re-discovered religion, as the would-be rulers of Samaria quickly find a little hope goes a long way.  With a structure centered around relgious authority and military might, the Prevailers (the heart of organized Christianity) on Samaria quickly gain control of most of the human population.

Unfortunately for the city-bound Prevailers, several warlords on the outskirts of civilization also lust for power.  Starting with a cynical move made by a man named Mark, warlords on the outskirts of society start proclaiming themselves literal reincarnations of biblical Saints.  This presents a problem for the Prevailers; however, they deftly use the Saints to fight to protect and expand their borders on Crusades.  Currently, only 6 Saints are known: John, Mark, Mary, Johann, and Luke.  Saint Matthew existed in times past; but was slain by the Skaard and replaced by Saint Mary.  Speaking of which...

The Skaard - Mutant cannibals inhabitating the desers of the east.  Formerly a group of humans within Forsaken society, the proto-Skaard (called the Baniss) were banished from Forsaken society as they did not adopt religion after "The Crash".

On finding an industrial facility in the wasteland, the survivors bunkered down but were quickly ravaged by the chemicals within the facility (previously a military base researching chemical weapons).  The survivors of these mutagens were fundamentally changed, but physically and mentally.

When Saint Johann was banished from Forsaken society due to his practice of Grafting (adding mechanical enhancements to living beings), he retreated to the desert and joined forces with the Baniss, officially forming the Skaard.

Several clans of Skaard exist, though only the Toxic and Blood Cults are available for play.  These cults have predilictions easy enough to determine by their names, so I won't waste time explaining further.

Dragyri - Aliens on Samaria to mine energy containing crystals.  Originally, the creatures now known as Dragyri were genetically engineered slaves used to mine crystals.  After the crash, the remaining "Leader" aliens were quickly overrun by their slaves and pressed into slavery themselves (lulz).  The new ruling Aliens (called Dragyri by the Forsaken due to their resemblence to biblical dragons) quickly organized their society around hunting an honorable duels (think "Predator culture" from Predator 2).

Dragyri background is currently under a significant overhaul due to the edition reboot, so we'll all find out more when Apocalypse is released.

The Brood - Genetically engineered soldiers in a very early stage of development.  Initial growth in foot soldiers was progressing well, though the "thinking" organism was getting the majority of developments work.  After "The Crash", the scientists involved intended to cart The Brain organism off-world.  Unfortunately, in their haste, they allowed The Brain to slip off their transport and remain on Samaria.

Initially, the brain organism tried tirelessly to improve her soldiers and find a way off world.  However, as the facility she was housed in quickly began to shut down, the brain organism decided to merge with its local environment in an attempt to kill itself.  Unfortunately, it survived but was driven insane in the process.  Now the "Brood Mother" creates abberations by crossing DNA of Samaria flora and fauna.  After a brief encounter with "The Creators" (Saint John's forces), the Brood Mother has decided that humans are weak and must be destroyed.  An admirable goal, really...

Outcasts - Bandits and miscreants who raid Forsaken facilities.  Basically, humans who aren't Forsaken or Skaard.

******

Without getting into specific mechanics, I hope that fleshes out Dark Age for some of you.  If you have any specific questions, hit me up in the comments.

TOP 5 - Top Five things GW could do to make WHFB sell better

Let's face it: WHFB 8th edition ain't perfect.  Nowhere close.  But, its a fun game, its the only game of its scale (28mm, large fantasy army battles) with its market penetration, and its got a great IP.  That said, its been losing market share for some time, playing 2nd fiddle to its cousin with 39,999 more warhammers and now to Warmachine.  How to stop this?  Here's five realistic things GW could do to get Fantasy back on track.

**********

5.) Fix 8th edition's magic phase.  Given GWs recent willingness to release FAQs, fix the big spells (Dwellers Below, Purple Sun) that have inadvertainly become problems.  Make miscasts deadlier. Fix Teclis and the Book of Hoeth.  Fix Slaan (i.e. - tweak the "Now you get my miscast" item).  These are massive game breakers at a competitive level and even someone who wants to have "fun" with lots of magic quickly realizes a single level 4 mage with the right wargear can break the game.

4.) Set realistic price goals.  The world economy isn't doing so hot right now.  Releasing a game with a $75 core rule book (or cheaper rulebook that comes in a $100 boxset), $37.25 army rulebooks, and $29 core troops that customers ought to want to purchase in blocks of 30+ isn't a smart idea.  Its losing you money, both anecdotally and statistically. 

If you want players to play at 3000+ points, give them a bone.  How about $200 army deals for all armies that include troops, a hero choice, a plastic elite option, and a big rare (Steamtank, Dragon, etc etc)?  Sell at a reasonably discount (e.g. - 25% off what you'd pay if you bought each box) and market it as an army entry point (which the Battalions are doing a poor job pretend to be).

Why Don't You Love Me, GW?

3.) Put some play support into the Specialist Games that compliment your IP.  Bloodbowl's got a reasonably popular video game that uses the same IP as Warhammer Fantasty.  Why aren't you releasing "Hobby Articles" highlighting how to play?  Don't put money into new sculpts; but pay a design for 2+ hours of work to make BB's Living Rulebook look modern.   Pimp some of this to the fan community.  On that note...

2.) Stop Sueing the Fan Community.  Go after recasters.  Go after companies that are stepping on your IP (Chapterhouse, etc).  Don't sue forums for using the name "Blood Bowl" in their title.  You want to protect your IP?  Then license them a fan kit with a list of what they can and can't do.

1.) Learn how to Market using the Web.  A dev blog that exercises almost no brand discipline is not having a web presence.  Letting us know whats in the pipe two months before you release it, followed by actual previews the day of pre-order isn't working.

Get a forum and control it appropriately (see Privateer Press' forum of an example of how to do this).  Interact with fans via the Web.  Control your brand message actively, rather than passively releasing it and letting warseer/dakka dakka run with it.


*********

SPAYZE MUHREENs will keep GW's doors open for a long time.  That said, Privateer and Mantic are really doing a number on their North American sales.  Moreover, GWs revamped all but 1 Space Marine line in the past 5 years...they're running out of easy wins.

What's it going to take to get GW to right their ship?  This, mayhaps?

I am Title Nineicus, Lord of The End Times!!!



A Winner Is You! - Duh, Winning Edition

Weclome to another installment of "A Winner Is You"; this blog's version of "Grinds My Gears".  You know what really grinds my gears...

People who view wargaming tournaments as a way to validate their egos, or worse, generate income.  Take this lulztastic example of "DERF DERF DERF, ME AM BEST" over on Dakka Dakka:

Hey folks!

I wanted to share a couple of pictures (shameless pride!) and inspire everyone to step up their game to enjoy the rewards!

1. The Secret to my Tournament Success!


2. Things I haven't figured out to do with yet:


I've won a lot of stuff at tournaments over the last two years. The picture is what is still in boxes that I haven't poked around with yet.

Not pictured here (because they aren't shrink-wrapped anymore)

1. $480 worth of store credit at several stores that I haven't cashed in yet.

2. 1x Demolisher, 5x razorbacks, 3x las/plas predators, 6 landspeeders

3. The blisters back there are Njal Stormcaller, Mad Dok, and Mephiston

4. All 3,000 points of my Dark Eldar (entirely free through tournament winnings)

5. Two battlewagons, 30 Lootas, Snikrot, three Ork trukks, and two more Stompas (one of which was too big in the box to fit in my luggage for the flight home from a GT)

6. 30 tactical marines, a captain, and 24 assault marines.

7. 15 Missile Launcher devastators, 6 lascannons, two multi-meltas, 5 autocannons

8. 3 other Space Marine Dreadnoughts.

I think that's about it. Most of my Orks were also tournament winnings, but I don't remember which I bought and which I won, and a good chunk of my Tau were tournament winnings as well, but I traded them out for my Necron Army.

So practice! Work on those skills! My Dark Eldar, Space Wolves, Blood Angels, half my Orks, and most of my Necrons were funded by playing. I've traded some of my winnings for things I need as well. Open your mind, think outside the box, and fund YOUR next army through tournament winnings.

And ENJOY yourself while doing it:
 

Insert golf calp here.  In fairness, sincerely, kudos on winning thousands of dollars worth of GW product.  That said...

First off, you should never, ever, under any circumstances be drinking the bilge marketed as Captain Morgan's Rum (though if you're grinding 40K tournaments to afford GW gaming, there's already something terminally wrong with you mentally).  Secondly, why on Earth are you drinking at 4:00 PM?

On, you're playing 40K.  Carry on then...

Having seen this locally (my roommate has paid for maybe 20% of his armies), it does bad, bad things to the tournament community.  Mostly because people get sick of paying money to play in an event only for it to go to "that guy".  You can harp on people to "step up their game, dude!" or "this could be you if you just ran different lists, man!"; but eventually, people just sick of playing you.

To say nothing of how you could be better investing all that time.

To quote one of the replies to his thread:

It's a nice stash of winnings, and absolutely fine to brag about it here. Where else are you going to get to brag?

Dash- 'Hey, how's it going?'

Woman at Bar- 'Um, fine.'

Dash- 'You know, I win a lot of toy soldier tournaments.'

Woman at Bar- 'Wow... what do you get for winning?'

Dash- 'Unopened boxes of toy soldiers.'

Woman at Bar- '...'

Dash- 'You should come see my dining room, the entire table is covered with unopened boxes of toy soldiers.'

Woman at Bar- 'I'm good.'

'Bout sums in up.

Wargaming: Yes, you can do it so hard you don't have to pay for it anymore.  That said, don't quit your day job.

Monday Game Reviews: Malifaux

Welcome to another Monday Game Review!  On today's plate: Malifaux.  Very interesting game for a number of reasons, notably its unique randomization mechanic (cards rather than dice) and its unique setting (Western-steampunk-horror-comedy... or "Baconpunk" as the Wyrd boys say!).

What's it all about?

Malifaux is a skirmish game based heavily upon 1800's Victorian aesthetic mixed with early 1900's western/"Stheampunk" influences.  Its a nice mix that may upset the history nerds out there, but flows well from "Oh, I get that pop culture reference" perspective.

Malifaux: Yeah, its kinda like this

The preface of the game is the world is run on magic, but our dimension is running out of it.  Then wizards/scientists discover a portal to another dimension where magic is stored in rocks called "Soulstones', which contain concentrated energy.  Settlers and would-be Soulstone Barons flock to the new dimension and start mining, only to the current residents of this new dimension less-than-gracious hosts.

The first thing you're apt to notice about Malifaux is there's no dice involved.  Randomization is instead achieved via a deck of cards.  When an attack/action is resolved between two models, both models compare their relevant statistics (e.g. - Ranged attack skill vs defense) and flip a card from the top of their decks.  The resulting numerical total determines if the attack was a success and the magnitude of it (which has the nice effect of cutting out the old "to hit/to wound" double flip).   Depending on the suit flipped, the result can also trigger additional effects (e.g. - flipping clubs may cause extra damage, if successful).  That's a bit of an over-simplification (its an involved, but tight mechanic) and its a nice breath of fresh air.

The Good

You see, in this world there's two kinds of people my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig...

The card mechanic, as noted above, is one of the main draws of Malifaux.  Its a nice change of pace and works well with the low model count of the armies involved.  Speaking of which, Malifaux typically involves 6-12 models per army (more for some armies which summon lots of models).  With the core rulebook costing $35, and a typically army running ~$100, you're looking at at an outlay of about $150 if you purchase all of the above plus a Malifaux card deck.  Expect to pay $200 maximum for a good sized army, both books, and a card deck.

Malifaux is a great game if you're looking to play with a small number of models that can do a large number of things.  Every model in your army can cast spells and generally can "combo" off one-another.  Since Malifaux is an alternating-activations based game, it lacks the "I win after this combo" feel of Warmachine, but strongly favors taking models that interact with other.

Also of note, the game strongly encourages you take models of the same theme with their respective Masters (similar to warcasters in Warmachine, though you don't auto lose if your Master dies).  Players who want a game that looks like the background on the table will really enjoy this facet of the game.  On that, many Masters can hire models outside their respective faction via special rules, giving the "factions" of Malifaux a much more fluid feel.

Finally, its notable that a (relatively) large number of females play this game.  If you're looking to get your girlfriend into a wargame, this is a safe place to start.  That said, if you're someone who's interested in the above statement, you probably lack the prerequisites.  Or, ya know, there's the alternative below...

Megatron says: "Decipticons, roll back!!!"

The Bad

Malifaux is decidedly a "thinking mans" game, almost to a fault.  Much like the first edition of Warmachine, Malifaux relies heavily on legalistic interruptions of its rules.  As such, FAQ rules decisions sometimes have game-breaking side effects.

Malifaux has struggled with this for roughly the entirety of its first year of existence and recently released Revised Rules have greatly helped this problem (for the first book).  Unfortunately, the first expansion is having similar problems to the core book and will probably require multiple pages of errata to get the game back in good place (for example, Alp bombs with The Dreamer and the Haemlin unlimited (0) action tricks).

Sorry Leviticus Cat, but yes, yes you are...

Another thing to note: As mentioned above, Malifaux strongly encourages you to take models "in theme" with a specific Master.  The downside of this is that there are very few core "faction" models that play well across a number of Masters (Arcanists, Outcasts, and the Guild suffer to this the most).  While its not an intrinsically bad thing, it does mean you'll be spending a lot more than you would in say, Warmachine, switching teams within a faction.  As always, YMMV.

Final Thoughts

Malifaux's a fun game but requires a lot of mental gymnastics to play at a competitive level.  If you enjoy the aesthetic and don't mind putting a little mental flexing, its a great game with some gorgeous models.  Go check out Wyrd's page if this sounds interesting to you!

I R PAINTR - Liquid Silver by Vallejo pt. 1

Went to a local hobby store today and got a product called "Liquid Silver" by Vallejo.  Its an alcohol based silver paint that deposits white metallic flecks of metal on a surface, giving it a chrome shine.  Can't mix it with water, but hey, it sure beats working with oils/toluene for true metallics.


Trying it out tonight to see if it delivers.  Pics to come shortly!

Top 5 - Jerky Things I can't wait to do at International Steampunk Festival

 

I don't think its any secret, but I'm a complete jerk and I hate Steampunk.  Don't get me wrong, fabrication art is really cool, but when you slap goggles on anything and suddenly its "Stheampunk" and magically hip, sorry, I'm probably going to hate it. 

 

 

Look at this f$#%# hipster

 

See this guy?  This is Jules Verne.  He wrote a lot of fiction that's decidedly Steampunk (e.g. - 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea).  He would probably choke you for housing your iPod in a pocket watch.  You know why?  Because he was a big fan of technology.  You've got a phonograph and every wax record in existence in your pocket, and you'd like to pretend that you're totally too cool for that.  If Vernes ever met you, he'd probably probably kick you in the junk.   Scratch that, he'd get you to give him the cure for Polio, then kick you in the junk.

 

Plus, its tired.  The little suburban town I live in is hosting International Steampunk City.  You know when a suburb is hosting an International Day of anything, its not chic anymore.

Mr. Snugglekins was so tragically hip

 

Seriously though: Goths who discover brown, love zee goggles, and expouse neo-Luddite nonsense are the worst.  On that note, here's the Top 5 Jerky Things I can't wait to do at International Steampunk Day.

*******

 

5.) Ask people about "Zee Goggles" and their functionality.  As in, what "zey do" and whether or not it is "nussing".


4.) Ask someone why they are so many fans of the movie Wild, Wild West out and about today?  Also, ask if they would, in fact, like to get jiggy with it.


3.) Wear my "Type O Negative - Everything Dies, even Peter Steele" shirt.  Count the number of people who scoff.


2.) List the annoying college kids' apartment down the street as a hot spot for cos-players on Craigslist.


1.) Walk down Moody St. with popcorn.  Watch local flavor and Stheampunks interact.  Lulz ensue.

 

**********

 

Yes, this is a joke.  No, I'm not going to probably do any of the above (accept 1 and 5).  Yes, I dislike Steampunk, but mostly because its tired and I don't get subcultures whose only unifying thread is dressing funny and old fiction.

Clearly, a miniskirt and corset are appropriate work attire for the bowels of steam engine.  But at least they didn't forget their safety goggles! OSHA were so strict 110 years before they were enacted.

A Winner Is You! - Games Workshop Culture

Welcome to A Winner Is You, a weekly segment on aspects of wargaming culture that are "temporally challenged", as the kids would say.

First up: the culture that Games Workshop has fostered in the wargaming community.  Its no secret that the vast majority of people coming to "the hobby" (side note: that term's ridiculous and deserves its own AWIY segment) have come from Games Workshop.  They have a strong presence in the states with their own shops in malls, their IP is in several popular video games, and their games are extremely easy to play.

Little Billy just got his first taste of SPAYZE MUHREENS and is "totally freaking out, man".

This first experience has a lot of nasty side effects down the road, namely in terms of setting social norms for wargaming.  Namely:

- "I play my army based upon its background..." - I get it, I get it... back in the days of yore Warhammer was essentially an RPG product that morphed into the board-game/RPG hybrid that we know today.  Like a lot of RPGs, Warhammer (and its cousin with 39,999 more hammers) gave players a large amount of freedom in how they played their armies.  Granted, the possibility to have "broken" armies existed, but like... that's not roleplaying, man.

Fast forward to today: Warhammer (and 4.0 X 10 ^5 Moarhammerz) aren't RPGs anymore.  Yet the notion that "Well, you really shouldn't play something broken..." still exists.  The problem is, "something broken" is all in the eye of the beholder.  Which brings us to...

- "... and if you don't, you're a POWAH GAMER!!!" - Agreeing to a set of house rules is all well and good, until you try to take your rules of your house. 

For a myriad of reasons, there comes a point where you play people outside of our immediate play group - be it a tournament, a convention, or just to mix things up.  When the stranger your playing pulls out some combination that's contrary to your house rules, all hell can break loose.  And by "loose", I mean dribble out in passive-aggressive torrents.

Bob tried to play a counts-as army with a new gaming group.  Poor, poor Bob.

Since this is a bit of grey area (there's no actual rules governing this), and since most wargamers have the social grace of a toddler, this is usual resolved as passive-aggressively as possible ("Oh, I guess you could do that..."). 

Granted, given GW's "stellar" game design, this could be a completely legitimate complaint (Exhibit A - Teclis) in one of their games.  As someone who principally plays Warmachine, there's nothing I dread more than playing someone who's decided that they are the anointed arbiter of Privateer Press' canon and MUST let me know that my army is totally historically inaccurate as the mercenaries in my army were nowhere near each other before 641... blahblahblahblah.  Thanks C.H. Firth, can we roll some dice now?  On that note:

Dating, hygiene, smoking outdoors - None of these could keep Cornelius from his vigil, ensuring that no one would ever suggest playing Night Lords using the new Blood Angles codex without feeling his wrath.

- "Soft scores at tournaments are a great idea!".  On a scale from 1 to 5, this is an awful idea.

I'm fine with trying to get people to paint their models via other means (requiring painting as an eligibility requirement, door prizes for having a painted army), but having your peers rank your painting/army background/sportsmanship just doesn't work.  Like communism or a 3-way, sounds great in theory but never works in practice.

What soft scores quickly become is a new social way to win.  Play your friends, rank each other high (but give them slightly worse scores than yourself) and rank anyone who beats you in an actual game low.  Yay, a day of "Let's play a glorified board game" became "Let's politic to douche our way into a paltry prize".  Really, it says something about the average wargamer (also the subject of an upcoming AWIY) when getting their egos off by chipmunking people comes before actually playing the game.  But hey, as long as their carefully skewed view of canon isn't violated and you didn't have the temerity to put an unpainted model on the table, the world has their permission to continue spinning.

"You dare beat me?!?!  Sportsmanship score of -3,000!!!"

Its a shame this sort of behavior continues to go on, especially with an increasingly grey wargaming fan base (because really, who else has the disposable income?).  Looking at the comments section of Bell of Lost Souls (Poor, poor Goatboy) or some of the drivel on Dakka Dakka!, this crap continues to perpetuate itself because its "wargaming culture".  No.  Stop.  Bad fatties.  No donut.

Here's a gem from Dakka, taken from a thread regarding whether it was "OK" (side note: never ask the Internet is something is socially acceptable.  Have you seen what goes on here?) to use his blue SPAYZE MUHREENS as red SPAYZE MUHREENS.  chaos0xomega chimes in with this gem:

... In fact, why care about models at all right? Its not part of the hobby or anything, they are just markers for use with the rules. Maybe I should just start using little wooden mannequin dollies instead of actual models. That way I can play them as Grey Knights/Blood Angels/Space Wolves/Black Templars/Dark Angels/Ultramarines/Eldar/Tau/Necrons/Dark Eldar/Orks/Fantasy Empire/Fantasy Ogres/Fantasy Skaven, etc. etc. etc.

The minis, their paint scheme, and their interaction with the rules are important aspects of the hobby. , you're re-enacting battles that might occur in a fantasy setting that took years of thought (and plagiarism!) to create. Space Wolves and Blood Angels don't oprerate and fight the same way. There is a reason they look different, there is a reason they have different rules. Its more than just a difference in paint scheme, etc. You're doing the fluff a disservice every time you codex hop. I'm a bit more forgiving if its a custom chapter, I mean, really they can be whatever the hell you want, but I have a limit to how far I can suspend disbelief.

Emphasis mine.  Yes, God (sorry... "Emprah") forbid someone want to play with their overpriced plastic models using different rules.  You aren't just playing a game, man.  This is serious, like Tron only not remotely at all.

Bravo, chaos0xomega, you've saved the sanctity of Moarhammerz fictional background.  Maybe you'll get sucked into that world someday and get a girlfriend.  Until then, don't quit your day job.

Monday Game Reviews - Dark Age

Dark Age Games' Dark Age (link) skirmish game has been released for almost 10 years and is still going strong (despite having some bumps along the way). 

This is, undoubtedly, my favorite wargame.  Unfortunately, due to some hiccups in its production along with some quirks within my gaming group (explained below), I've had a bear of a time getting friends to play this.  That said, with a new edition on the horizon (allegedly dropping by Gen-Con) and a host of new models being churned out: Dark Age is in a great position to snatch-up fans of skirmish games who want something fresh and fans of sci-fi games who don't want to pay GW prices.

What's it all about?

Dark Age is a science-fiction skirmish game set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland in the far future.  Interestingly, its a post-apo game not set on Earth (so, unfortunately, no one's going to have that knee-dropping Planet of The Apes moment in Dark Age's fiction).

"Saint Mark is actually kinda a dick?  Noooooooo!!!!!"

In terms of setting, human society in Dark Age has rediscovered the Good Book (which, per the developers, isn't just the Bible) after society falls apart.  A number of individuals with err..  "entrepreneurial spirit" proclaim themselves the reincarnation of Saints.  Seeing as Society is run by what is essentially the Vatican (Space Vatican, henceforth), this causes some social unrest.  The Saints are used by the Space Vatican to fight off the myriad of nasty non-human threats on Samaria (the planet on which Dark Age takes place), including the Predator-inspired Dragyri, radioactive mutants, bio-engineered predators, and marauding non-believing warlords.

So basically, you're fighting for New Jersey in Space.

Howler says: "Let's Smoosh"

In terms of game mechanics, the game's an alternating activation game that uses action points (AP) to give flexible move/attack options.  Its D20 based with a compare-to-stats-and-roll-for-the-difference based system.  While being statistically different on the back-end, I find it feels a lot like Warmachine due to the compare mechanic and the rough feel of the probability distribution.

You're normally looking at 6-20 models per side.  Assuming you've already invested in paint/tape measures/dice, you're looking at a roughly $50 outlay for the rules (hardcover, two books for all factions) and ~$150-$200 for a good sized army with some extra options.

The Good

One of Dark Age's stronger points is that most of its art comes from Brom.  For the uninitiated, Brom was a very popular artist from the 90's who contributed a very unique style to a number of Wizards of the Coast's products, notably Dark Sun's original incarnation and Magic: The Gathering.   In addition to Brom, Dark Age has a number of other solid artists contributing to the game.  Like Infinity or Malifaux, this is a game that has solid production value.

Brom: umm.. yeah... That.

Dark Age has by far the most seamless skirmish game mechanics that I've encountered yet.  Overwatch?  Piece of cake.  Squad/individual activations without tripping over your own feet?  Done and done.   A small host of special rules interacting off of each other.  Done, questions answered frequently by their rules team via the web, and frequent and fresh FAQ.  Its tighter than Malifaux (and was tighter from day one), and that's saying something.

Also, the game has a solid "feel" to its mechanics.  The setting is akin to Fallout, and much like in Fallout, not everything works as well as its used to.  This is represented by a malfunction value on most ranged weapons: a chance that the gun not only misses but actually blows up in your hands.  Ability names range from sensible (e.g. - "Fire", "Tough as Nails") to cheeky ("Its only a Flesh Wound") without ever losing the tone of the setting.  For all of you who like to be immersed in their setting, Dark Age will let you do so without having its game mechanics jar you out of happy-fun-time.

Lastly, Dark Age has a brilliant, brilliant tournament system.  Rather than "control the geometry in the middle" or Malifaux's complicated scheme system, Dark Age gives each player a series of objectives to chose from.  The can range from "Place 3 objectives, blow them up" to "Kill the priciest thing on your opponent's side".  They're quick, they make sense, and they work.  At Gencon 2009, I had more fun playing in a Dark Age tournament than I had playing any other game all weekend (and this was the first drop of the Malifaux rules, another game I love).

The Bad

I wish I could say "Well, this they should change XYZ about their system", but all of my gripes from v. 1.0 have been changed in the new addition (sadly, I've been unable to get my group to play this because it was metric.  New addition is Imperial, so get ready for Dark Age, Haight!).  Honestly, the worst thing I can say is: Dark Age Games have had some baaaddd luck.

These bases were originally developed for Dark Age.  Hmmm... where have I seen them before?

 

From bad miniature casters to losing talent to other companies, Dark Age Games have always been *this* close to being the next big thing.   Convincing people to spend their money on a new game that always has starts/stops gets very, very hard after the first hiccup and I think Dark Age has suffered greatly for this.  Granted, some of this hasn't be maleficence of the part of others: Dark Age Games has missed their announced time lines more times than I can count.  That being said, I have some faith that times are, in fact, a'changing.

Dark Age Games is now run by the folks at Coolminiornot.com.  They've consistently put out new miniatures (check out the April 10 releases!) since the start of 2011 and have the book well in order.  Having chatted with Grafter (owner of Dark Age Games) at PAX East 2011, I've got a lot of faith that they're in it to win this time.  I sincerely hope that Dark Age can turn around its bad luck and become the Cinderella story of Gen Con this year (aptly, on their 10th anniversary).

Final Thoughts

If I could only play one wargame for the rest of time, it would hands down be Dark Age.  Unfortunately, most of my local wargaming nerds don't share this enthusiasm as there's a lot of new/shiny stuff out there that doesn't have a history of not delivering.  That being said, the changing of the guard internally will hopefully equal change of past history. 

To quote Dark Age's old by-line: Everything Dies.  Hopefully, including Dark Age's bad luck.

First!

Hey:

Welcome to Don't Quit Your Day Job, a blog about wargaming, wargaming culture, and the cesspool that is the wargaming "blogosphere".

So a brief statement of purpose: I'm here to post reviews about the myriad of wargames I play/have played, so I can quickly and concisely send someone a link to "What I think about ::insert game here::". Also, I get to have my little piss take about how juvenile a lot of "seriose" wargaming blogging is. Because, really, we're all just playing with little metal/plastic/resin army dudes. That doesn't necessitate the bulk of the e-vitriol or multipage treatises/ego-flexing seen on a lot of blogs.

And stuff.

- McNs

aka - Owen