Top 5 - Jerky Things I can't wait to do at International Steampunk Festival

 

I don't think its any secret, but I'm a complete jerk and I hate Steampunk.  Don't get me wrong, fabrication art is really cool, but when you slap goggles on anything and suddenly its "Stheampunk" and magically hip, sorry, I'm probably going to hate it. 

 

 

Look at this f$#%# hipster

 

See this guy?  This is Jules Verne.  He wrote a lot of fiction that's decidedly Steampunk (e.g. - 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea).  He would probably choke you for housing your iPod in a pocket watch.  You know why?  Because he was a big fan of technology.  You've got a phonograph and every wax record in existence in your pocket, and you'd like to pretend that you're totally too cool for that.  If Vernes ever met you, he'd probably probably kick you in the junk.   Scratch that, he'd get you to give him the cure for Polio, then kick you in the junk.

 

Plus, its tired.  The little suburban town I live in is hosting International Steampunk City.  You know when a suburb is hosting an International Day of anything, its not chic anymore.

Mr. Snugglekins was so tragically hip

 

Seriously though: Goths who discover brown, love zee goggles, and expouse neo-Luddite nonsense are the worst.  On that note, here's the Top 5 Jerky Things I can't wait to do at International Steampunk Day.

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5.) Ask people about "Zee Goggles" and their functionality.  As in, what "zey do" and whether or not it is "nussing".


4.) Ask someone why they are so many fans of the movie Wild, Wild West out and about today?  Also, ask if they would, in fact, like to get jiggy with it.


3.) Wear my "Type O Negative - Everything Dies, even Peter Steele" shirt.  Count the number of people who scoff.


2.) List the annoying college kids' apartment down the street as a hot spot for cos-players on Craigslist.


1.) Walk down Moody St. with popcorn.  Watch local flavor and Stheampunks interact.  Lulz ensue.

 

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Yes, this is a joke.  No, I'm not going to probably do any of the above (accept 1 and 5).  Yes, I dislike Steampunk, but mostly because its tired and I don't get subcultures whose only unifying thread is dressing funny and old fiction.

Clearly, a miniskirt and corset are appropriate work attire for the bowels of steam engine.  But at least they didn't forget their safety goggles! OSHA were so strict 110 years before they were enacted.